While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
