the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
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Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
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I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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