I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
