She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
