How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
