I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
