Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date