East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
