He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
