This is not my ceiling
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just high enough for therapy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
