I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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