i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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