can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
