sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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