I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
