this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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