We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
