I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
