U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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