so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
