As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
