went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
