Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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