I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
