I want to walk on stilts...naked
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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