Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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