is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
