exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
