And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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