I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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