The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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