New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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