i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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