I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
