Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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