So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
