I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
