uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!