In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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