cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
