haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
