God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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