okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
