Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
