did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
