Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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