What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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