If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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