Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
