He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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