Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
