My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
