I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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