Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
