I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
