thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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