i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His hands were made for my vagina.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
