p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You ate ashes out of my bong
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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