No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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