I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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