The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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