And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I am mentally ready for anal.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
