two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
