I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
