I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
