Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
