I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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