Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
