Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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