he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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