Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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